here comes the sun

Here I am again, writing another blog! I suck at writing blogs. It's pretty much only a diary to me...and I don't know who is reading this, but sorry. 

I started talking to a friend again. I lost him last year. These deaths have really helped me refocus my life. I emailed him, and he was surprisingly happy. He was really happy in fact. He wrote me back a really long email and that was really good. I was happy, and so was he. Now we've been talking nonstop. He used to be my best friend and i hope we are right on track now. It's good, and life is good. We should stop worrying about the drama, and everything and just live life. Be happy. 

You know what I hate more than anything? When people aren't real. There's this guy... Yeah..I know a guy. He has the potential to be amazing. I've seen it in him. I've felt it in his kiss. He could be awesome, and possibly the one for me. One problem: He can't get over himself. He has this show of putting himself on, like he has to prove something to someone out there. When he's around me he's awesome, which is very rare because he's so worried about his reputation. The thing that I don't get is why he's so scared to like me. HIs friends all like me, I just don't get it. Something happened one night, and maybe that was a mistake, but still it taught me that he can be a beautiful person. I just wish he would show it.

Zach was also a beautiful person. Always smiling and laughing. And did he ever have a faith on fire. He was always witnessing his faith to people, and I'm so glad to have met him. This whole death thing has really shaken me up. It has helped me refocus my life though, and what I'm meant to do on this earth. It's not to get a job, have kids, get married... find the love of my life, it's to proclaim his gospel far and near, and I should stop worrying about stuff like ABOVE! But we have a sinful nature. After this happened, I'm so excited to get out into the world and spread the gospel to people. This has helped me realize that I need to be telling people all the time. I need to look to the cross. 

Zach,

You were awesome, and I'm so glad to have been your friend. You were and still are an inspiration to me. Have so much fun in heaven. "You know what's good about hearing the birds chirp? It lets you know you're alive." I love that quote of yours. You always wanted wings, and now you have them :) I love you Zach.

So much shit

I'm stressing out big time right now. Big time. Papers, reports, presentations...the list goes on and on. There's 2  1/2 weeks left of school before exams and I don't think I can make it. 

Not to mention, drama as always. Although it doesn't involve me, it still does. Boys, school, work, homework...I just can't stand it anymore. I hate my life. haha JK. I need to calm down and let God handle everything. 

Why can't he just see I'm the perfect person for him?

My life through itunes shuffle

Family

What do i think of my mother? Going Away to College -Blink 182
What do i think of my father? Cop -Alkaline Trio (hahaha)
What describes my siblings? Raise the Barn - Keith Urban
Did I have a happy childhood? This Charming Man -Morrissey
What kind of person was I? Girl -Otown hahaha
High School

What was high school like? Vengababes from Outer Space -Vengaboys
Was I a good student? Maria -Instrumental Music (hmmm...)
Did I party a lot? Saturday -Christie Front Drive (only on saturdays hahah)

Love
what describes my first love? Bike Scene -Taking Back Sunday
Do I have a boyfriend/Girlfriend? Oceans -The Format
Do I like someone? Dancing Through Life -Wicked

Life
What was today like? The Nurse Who Loved Me -A Perfect Circle
What are most days like? She Loves You -Beatles
Whats my life like? Thinkin' About You -Britney Spears
What is in store for this weekend? Superstar - Sonic Youth
What song describes my parents? Pillow Fight -Dane Cook
How is my life going? Just a Lil' Bit -50 Cent
Do i act my age? Up and Up -Relient K
What song will they play at my funeral? Abducted -Dane Cook (hahahah)
Wedding? Showtime -Nelly Furtado
How does the world see me? You -Rascal Flatts
Will I have a happy life? The Way I Loved You -Taylor Swift
What do my friends really think of me? Tears in Heaven -Eric Clapton
Do people secretly lust after me? Seven Years -Saosin
How can I make myself happy? Postcards -Amber Pacific
Whats my family think of me? In My Eyes -Rufio
What should I do with my life? I'm A Terrible Person -Rooney (oops!)
What is my signature dancing song? It Came Upon A Midnight Clear - Concert Choir
What do I think my current theme song is? Sundance -Sundance Kid
What does everyone else think my current theme song is? I Want To Know Your Plans -Say Anything
What is my life theme song? Happy Working Song -Amy Adams
What best describes my life? Your Neck -Alkaline Trio
What best describes my friends? Is This Love -Chris Brown
What best describes the person i like? True Love's Kiss _Enchanted
Have you had sex? Shining Through -Fredo Starr
How will you die? Winter Wonderland -Burl Ives
What describes my worst enemy? Symbol in my Driveway -Jack Johnson
Do i enjoy life? Still Fighting -Ben Folds
Am i a good person? Follow and Feel -Saosin
Do i make others happy? Once Upon a Dream -Mary Costa

first. post. ever.

I'm not sure what to write as the first. post. ever. I used to write in livejournal all the time. A lot of my friends had it too. It was a good place to say whatever I was feeling no matter what. I didn't care who read it, it's my personal place, and if they read it and get upset it's their fault.

I'm glad I'm getting this. It's for myself, and my cousin, Kayla. We don't talk as often as I would like, but her posting and me posting it really will help me and her at least keep up with each other's lives.

I've always wanted to make a list of things to do before I die. I guess this place is the best to put this stuff down.

[] Teach English in a foreign country. (this is possible in the WELS)
[] Go Sailing (very close, but it was too windy, hmmm that's weird)
[] volunteer for a charity
[] Ride on an elephant, or something bigger than a horse
[] Surf in Hawaii
[] Be someone's everything (a person who can't live without you)
[] Have a star named after me (yes, got that from A Walk to Remember, get over it)
[] Visit all 50 states (i have 22 so far.)
[] Sing a solo in front of a lot of people (hopefully doing that for my sister's wedding)
[] Read all of the twilight books :)
[] See every movie I've ever wanted to see
[] Write a novel
[] Fall in love with the right person
[] Go to Europe with friends.
[] Cook an elegant meal (for the person i love)
[] Stay inside all day when it's raining and cuddle with the person I love.
[] Write a novel
[] write a children's book and illustrate it
[] Graduate college (close!!!)
[] Get married
[] Spend an entire week alone and see if I can do it.
[] Write the melody and lyrics to a song
[] Swim with a dolphin
[] Crowd surf
[] Dance in the pouring rain
[] Kiss in the pouring rain (again, i was close!!)